Star Wars Week: Yes, a lightsaber pizza cutter exists, and 12 other ridiculous Star Wars products

The Force Awakens merchandise bonanza

The hype surrounding Star Wars: The Force Awakens reached a fever pitch long ago, and now with the movie opening worldwide in a few short days, we can barely contain ourselves.

The marketing machine has been strong with the new film, and it extends far, far beyond toys, clothes and gadgets that have anything to do with the franchise. We’ve seen nearly every product under the sun become Star Wars-ified: an innocent trip to the store is now an adventure in discovering what else has been branded for the light or dark side.

We’ve gathered up some of the most ridiculous Star Wars branding and products we’ve seen in the slides that follow. But because I know how Star Wars crazy you really are, I’ve included links to purchase some of the products you see, too.

If you’ve had your own sighting of merch run amok, let us know! Even better: post a photo if you snapped one. And hey, we’re not passing judgment: there’s no harm in your favorite mac n’ cheese looking for a slice of the Star Wars pie.

Disposable water bottles

Star Wars water bottles

I was roaming around Home Depot last weekend when something caught my eye: towers of disposable water bottles wrapped in plastic packaging adorned with C-3PO, R2-D2 and BB-8. The packaging was cute, but I couldn’t help thinking how out of place it felt in a gritty home improvement store. I imagined some hardened contractors laden with lumber shouting, “Hey Don, grab a case of water! Yeah, the one with the robots on it!”

Volvic has taken Star Wars-themed H2O containment to a whole new level. The company has a line of “collectible” bottles in five character designs: a Stormtrooper, Chewbacca, Darth Vader, Boba Fett and C-3PO. Those in the UK may have seen the sippers at one of the over 2,000 stores where they were available. Did you collect them all?

Dog toys

Star Wars dog toys

Even Rover needs to get his Star Wars fandom on. Techradar contributor Farrha Khan snapped this pic of stuffed Star Wars dog toys at Petco. While it may be a little traumatizing to see Yoda ripped to shreds, watching Darth get what’s coming to him in the jaws of your pooch would be oh-so satisfying.Coffee creamer

Coffee creamer

Star Wars coffee creamer

Like a little Chewie in your coffee? Or a dram of R2? Nestle Coffee Mate has created a whole line of Star Wars-themed creamers designed to put a Star Wars kick in your cup of Joe. You can add a taste of Chewbacca (spiced latte), a smooth sip of C-3PO (hazelnut), a bright bounce of R2-D2 (French vanilla), a charming brew of Boba Fett (Italian sweet cream), or, indulge your dark side with Darth Vader (espresso chocolate).


Star Wars food

Nearly every major movie franchise features some branding crossover into the stuff we put in our mouths, but it feels like Star Wars: The Force Awakens has taken over the food aisle. From soup and cereal to mac n’ cheese and ice cream, you can literally eat your way across the galaxy. I bet it tastes delicious.


Death Star tea infuser

You’ll need items to cook up and eat all this Star Wars food with, right? Sure, you can eat out of Star Wars bowls and off of Star Wars plates, then wash it all down with a drink from a Star Wars cup. But that’s the obvious stuff: how about an X-wing knife block, a talking lightsaber pizza cutter and a Death Star tea infuser?

My personal favorite is an R2-D2 measuring cup and spoon set. R2 disassembles into four measuring cups, while its arms and legs become measuring spoons. It also bleeps when your oven is preheated and is just freaking adorable.

This is only the surface of the Star Wars kitchen items catalogue. You can dive even deeper to find cutting boards, shot glasses and more Death Star spatulas than you could ever use in a lifetime.

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Death Star waffle maker

Death Star waffle maker

ThinkGeek, the purveyor of many of these fine Star Wars goods, is sadly sold out of the Death Star waffle maker. Supplies won’t replenish until February 2016, well after the movie has been out but maybe in time for your fourth or fifth viewing.

However, you may have luck on Amazon, so I suggest heading there now before you really do end up on the Dark side because you can’t find this waffle maker.

The product delivers exactly what it promises, and at least you’ll have it raring to go for Episode VIII.

Darth Vader and R2-D2 shower heads

Darth Vader showerhead

We can think of a thousand things more relaxing than taking a shower under Darth Vader, but to each their own. Thankfully, if you don’t feel like scrubbing up under Darth, there’s an R2-D2 shower head available on Amazon as well. Though that might ruin your childhood, too.

Millennium Falcon bed

Star Wars bed

Kids today definitely have way more integrated merch than I ever did, and this Millennium Falcon bed from Pottery Barn stretches the bounds of marketing crossover to its limits. It’s fully decked out to resemble Han’s ship, and should provide little Timmy or Sally hours of fun (sans sleep). OK, I’ll admit it: If Pottery Barn made it just a few feet bigger, I’d be all over this bed.

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R2-D2 suitcase

R2-D2 suitcase

If you’re a Star Wars fan and don’t care who knows it, this is the suitcase for you. You’ll definitely turn heads if you’re rushing through the airport with R2 trailing behind you. We can’t imagine it being broken out for business trips, but if you’re heading to Disneyland or another family vacay, this suitcase would fit right in.

CoverGirl makeup

Star Wars CoverGirl makeup

What do Star Wars and CoverGirl makeup have to do with each other? Nothing. Did an entire Star Wars: The Force Awakens CoverGirl collection happen anyway? Of course it did. Stephen Colbert lampooned the makeup mashup perfectly on The Late Show, which you can view below. In the immortal words of the Jedi, “may the forced marketing integration be with you.”

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Star Wars comfy throws

Chewbacca comfy throw

Lounging around your house in regular clothes is super boring, so grab one of these “comfy throws” for maximum comfort and maximum self-Star Wars-ification. The throws I found will … transform … you into a Storm Trooper, Darth Vader and Chewbacca. We can’t say this is the sexiest item in the universe, but the throws do actually look comfortable.

Darth Vader toaster

Darth Vader toaster

Darth Vader probably liked his toast as black as his soul, but you can decide how crispy you want your bread with this themed toaster. Aside from looking like the dark lord, this toaster burns the Star Wars logo onto your bread (or frozen waffle or hamburger bun). There’s still time before Christmas to gift this to the Star Wars nut in your life.


Star Wars oranges

These Star Wars-packaged oranges are so ridiculous, they deserve their own slide. I guess Vitamin C is important no matter what planet you live on, but to have the audacity to brand these as having anything to do with Star Wars speaks to the power of the Disney marketing machine. Throwing the Sphero BB-8 on the packaging is at least a nod to a relevant shape, but this is one instance of Star Wars marketing gone way too far.


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